1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
