This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
