new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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