tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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