Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
