The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
