Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
