she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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