What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
