I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Reggie can tackle my bush.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
