I swear she didn't look like that last week.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
