I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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