The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
