I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
