the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
