i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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