new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
