Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize