You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
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I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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