is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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