My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
