My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
