I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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