he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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