And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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