Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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