I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
