How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
