We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Houston, we have a blender
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
