I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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