it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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