my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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