Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
