he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
