Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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