if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
