i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
