she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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