i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
