I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
