He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
