Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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