PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
