a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
