Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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