it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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