Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Randomize
