My first STD was from a foam party
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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