The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
