Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
