He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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