my mouth tastes like poor choices
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Randomize
