there was a trapeze. enough said
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We need a shit load of segways right now
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity