Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
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you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
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ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.