Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!