I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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