Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.