i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I FOUND THE LEGS
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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