I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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