Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
