i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Houston, we have a squirter
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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