i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
