Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
