A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
