I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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