I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
