woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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