all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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