Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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