mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
