she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
